Anouk:
About 2 weeks later, everything has changed and Im starting to realise that nothing will last forever. Although ive been hiding it, im scared. Scared of the future and the unstable ground i'll be standing on when it arrives. I wont have my lifeline anymore. I wont have
him. I won't have anyone to talk to about the important things. I still have Ana, of course. And I dont push that aside. I love Ana. But Jack is just that little bit closer to me. Just as Im sure he's that bit closer to Ana than I am. It's hard to imagine forgetting all of this. He says he'll stay in contact but... it's Jack we're talking about. He's moved around so many times we're just another couple of friends that he's left behind.
Im sitting on the park bench, looking at the rainbow striped gloves on my fingers. They dont work so well, I still feel frozen.
Jack said he'd meet me here before he left, but Im even starting to doubt he's remembered. He never was to good at keeping track of time...
Jack:
I went 'home' yesterday... meaning I packed my things at Ana's place and went back to my parent's place like they had told me to. Until the beginning of the week I was absolutely sure that I'd just ignore anything they had said, and just stay with Ana and pretend my parents never even existed. But as time grew short, I realized I couldn't very well do that at all.. Jesus fucking Christ, I know my parents - in this case they had legal grounds to stand on and it wouldn't even surprise me if I'd see them in court if I didn't go home. I couldn't use that, because even if it would prevent me from going back to them I'd end up in a foster home or something. Generally, this week, I had sort of figured out that being underaged is more a curse than a blessing and only adults get to do what they want to do.
Like my parents. Move to Georgia. Who the fuck thought that up?
Who did didn't really matter though, cos here I am today, packing my bags and cleaning out my old room at my parents place. I already shoved everything in bags that I wanted to keep and now I finished with throwing out what I didn't want to keep. Like posters I stuck onto the walls, and anything else that could even slightly make this into 'my place'. It never really was. I shove it all down in a plastic bag and throw that one down the stairs, not caring much where it ends up to be. My mom shouts something in reaction but I don't care. I follow the bag down and pull open the frontdoor.
I feel kinda nauseous about this all but there's still one thing I'm oughta do - and *want* to do. I don't usually make friends that mean much to me but this time I did. And proper goodbyes are good.. aren't they?
Ten minutes later I arrive at the park, looking for the others.
Anouk:
I glance up to the gate when I hear footsteps, and sure enough it's Jack.
I stand up, folding my arms around me to keep warm... "Hey." I mumble, as he draws nearer.. "You're late."
Jack:
"I'm not good at keeping track of time." I tell her with a smirk, cos I'm sure she knew that already. I go over and sit down on the bench, pulling my feet up too. "Sorry." I add, though I usually never apologize for being late. I'm not even sure why I do this time.
Things feel awkward now though, her standing there and me sitting, and neither really talking cos.. what the fuck should we talk about? I find a package of cigarettes in my pocket and light one, to get less nauseous about this all. "..I packed." I say uselessly.
Anouk:
"...Yeah, me too.. though my stuff was kinda already in the suitcase, so It wasnt too hard. I move in with my aunt tomorrow." I add, trying to start a conversation.. It feels weird looking down at him, though. So I go to sit on the edge of the bench.
Jack:
"Yeah.." I take a drag of the cigarette. I never did see her aunt, though Anouk met up with her after that first phonecall. Nevertheless I feel as if I should say something to make things seem less bad. "She'll be cool." I therefore predict without anything to base that on. I shrug my shoulders before taking another drag of the cigarette. "Dya know what you're new phonenumber is gonna be so I can call you when I get to that new place?" I ask.
Anouk:
"Yeah.. she gave it to me.. somewhere." I reach into my pockets for the peice of paper.. "Here." I hand him the kinda tattered note... "You promise to ring me, yeah? At least once a week or.. something?"
Jack:
"Sure." I promise, though I'm afraid (and somewhere deep inside, pretty sure) that within time we'll have nothing to talk about. She'll go on living a life here and I probably have to go to a new highschool there, make friends again, do homework, all the stuff that seems unimportant but turns out to be the only thing you can really talk about within time. Things'll get shallow, I guess. Then they might go.
That sucks. Maybe I can get a train here every now and then or something. I won't be stuck there completely. I realize. Though I won't make promises to Anouk if I'm not sure I will be able to keep 'em. "So uh.. what time are you going to your aunts tomorrow?" I ask, mostly to avoid awkwardness.
re[.
Anouk:
"... I dont know.. She'll pick me up from Ana's place sometime, I guess." I bite down on my lip. I don't like how this conversation is going. This isn't us.
I lean over to hug him, tightly.
Jack:
I nearly burn her with my cigarette when she does but I fish it out of my mouth and drop it to the ground so I can hug her back properly. This all seems fucked up, and I guess I'm glad she put a stop to the whole just-to-be-polite conversation. I squeeze her against me tightly. "You okay?" I ask, my voice slightly muffled because I'm half burried in her over-proportioned wintercoat.
Anouk:
".. no." I mumble back, into him. My voice breaking slightly as I hold back tears. I dont want to cry, but the tension between us kinda hurts me. I don't want him to leave on such a blank note. It scary that we're having to be so awkward to manage a simple conversation. It's like its happened already. Like everything has moved one step ahead of reality. And I don't want to be there yet. I want to be here, with him. Not
there with noone. I want to smile and laugh and just have one last conversation before the inevitable happens.
Jack:
I hadn't expected any other answer, but I still hug her tighter and stroke her back in an attempt to comfort her or something. "You're gonna be. Alright?" I break the hug slightly so I can look at her. I see she's on the verge of crying though. "Don't do that, I hate it when girls cry." I smirk at her, trying to lighten the mood.
Anouk:
"I dont wanna cry." I tell him, shaking my head... "I dont know why I always end up crying... I dont know whats up with me. I just dont want things to change. Nothing can be better than this. Things can only get worse if you go away, Jacky. I dont want things to be bad again. I dont want to be alone."
Jack:
"You won't be." I tell her with a shrug, "Ana'll still be here, and you'll have your aunt, and.. Madisol." I try to joke.
Anouk:
I try to smirk back this time, hugging him again... "I'll miss you."
Jack:
"Yeah, I'll miss you too." I mumble as I hold her closely to me. Her face is pressed against my chest and I look down to her slightly, her hair tickling my face. "It's just.. fucked up." I mumble, finally speaking up about this too. "Why the fuck do my parents get to get away with this whole thing? What the fuck do they have to do with my life anyway? They should piss of, and so should your dad and aunt, things were cool at Ana's."
Anouk:
"Yeah." I mutter.. "I.. I guess we wont really ever figure that out." I shrug... "Some things just lead to another and hey.. maybe you were meant to move on now. Maybe we *need* to move on... to get to a better place, y'know? Maybe in Georgia you'll get recognised as an actor and get rich and famous and then build a whole fucking mansion in LA... and then you can laugh at your parents."
Jack:
I smirk at that. "Sure. And you'll become a supermodel and you can be my girlfriend to show off with. That'll be cool." I decide.
Anouk:
"With legs like these?" I look down at my stubby little jeans.. "I'll have to get some sort of surgery first." I grin... "But, hey... this is Hollywood, afterall."
Jack:
"They can airbrush it on photos and I happen to like your legs the way they are." I poke her jeans. "So that'll work out perfectly. What color house do you want? And can we get a cat?"
Anouk:
"Pink. With Yellow polka dots all over." I decide, thoughtfully.. "And we shall have many cats. A whole army of them to scare away madisol when shes outside the gates begging for our friendship."
Jack:
"She can be our maid." I decide. "Wash our dirty socks and stuff. And run around in one of those French maid outfits." I smirk.
Anouk:
"Hey, you dirty slut." I laugh at him.. "I wont let a whore in our house if we're married. It'll have a bad influence on the children."
Jack:
"I don't want children.. well alright, maybe some. But not more then twelve." I grant her.
Anouk:
I raise an eyebrow.. "Six boys named Jack-Junior and Six girls named Anouk-Junior?" I question him.
Jack:
"Yup. And twelve cats named after the drawfs from Snowwhite and stuff. Everything'll be nice and cheesey for us." I smirk and hug her again. "Even with Madisol there."
Anouk:
"Haha.. yea. I never though that was physically possible untill now." I smirk back.. "What time are you going? It's mid-day already..."
Jack:
"Like in half an hour.. I should get back." I figure, though that sort of ruins the good mood. "My parents might bite of my head if I'm late."
Anouk:
"Then let them. Stay here and cuddle me for a few more minutes?" I look up at him.
Jack:
"Yeah, alright. Just to make sure you won't forget me." I smirk, though I suppose it's not really a joke at all. I put my arms around her and hug her again, sort of making her disappear in my embrace for the rest of the world by smushing her. "Okay?"
Anouk:
"Yeah." I chuckle into his jumper, breathing in that familiar smell of cigarette smoke and cheap aftershave.
"I'll never forget you."
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