Broken Notes

[Devyn]

Alexandra Harth, or as she went by when she was at Cazere-- Alexandra Damian, that way no one knew she was associated with Luke.
Commander and chief...
She rolled her eyes at her own thoughts as she made her way down the hallway at Cazere's publishing building. The place was stylish to say the least-- in fact the people in it always gave Alex dirty looks when she walked in, in her jeans and t-shirt.
"What? Never seen bluejeans?"
She snapped as she passed a staring blonde.

She scoffed and tossed her blonde hair, "No, I was looking at that ugly mop on your head, actually.

"Bitch--"
Alex started, taking a step towards the girl.
Bet you've never been in a fight, blondy.

"Alexandra."
His voice floated out from a rule just down the hall. It wasn't hard for him to be heard with such a commanding voice-- just another plus for Luke Harth.

Alex paused, growling at the shrinking blonde, who turned and ran off down the hall the moment Alex turned her back.
"Luke?"
Oh no, she didn't call him father. That was out of the question. He'd stopped being her father when--
No, he was never a father.
She walked down the hall and pushed open the door she'd heard her father's voice come from.
"I thought you were in San Diego for the week."
I hoped you were in San Diego for the week.

"I'm going back." Luke grunted and looked at her with a placid smile, "Not want me here?"
He didn't wait for her answer, waving his hand and sliding over a newspaper clipping to her.
"I've got you a job--"

"I'm off this week, I don't have any jobs. I just came to pick up my check--"

"Shut up and sit down."

Alex heaved a sigh and took a seat across the table from him, picking up the newspaper clipping when he motioned his hand towards it again.
"Who are they? Never heard of Passionate Violence before."
She remarked, skimming over the clipping.

"They're the new best thing and I want them in Cazere before any other goddamn magazine gets them."
Luke paused a moment and started speaking right when he saw Alex open her mouth.
"And you'll take the photgraphs. I've set up the place and date. This coming Wednesday at 5, I've rented out a studio for you."

"I hate studios..."
Alex muttered more to herself than to Luke, but she nodded.
"Fine. Is that all?"

Luke grunted and gave her a long look.
"For now. Next week you'll come home."
It wasn't a request or question-- it was a demand. An order.

"Like I have anything better to do with my life."
Alex muttered to herself again as she got out of the seat and left before Luke could call her back-- getting called back never went over well.
As she walked out, she glanced down at the newspaper clipping and rolled her eyes, crumpling it in a ball.
"Fuck..."
Yeah, that's what I need... a good fuck... fuck...

[PirateOTC]

~Some hours before~

Passionate Violence were sitting by a round table, talking with their manager they had recently got. They were discussing their next show and the band was excited...only one of the members had not showed up yet
"Hey, where the fuck are you?" Nick said as he spoke on his cellphone

"I'm stuck in a fucking traffic jam, I'll be right-- HEY,ASSHOLE, DOES IT LOOK LIKE I CAN FUCKING MOVE?!"

Nick moved the phone away from his ear so he wouldn't need to get deaf by Thomas shouting. Then he held it against his ear again;
"Alright, well...estimate. When do you think you can get here?"

"Umm.." he removed the cellphone from his ear to look at the clock in the display, then he said;
"in 15 min"

"Alright. We're waiting"

"Yeah yeah...fuck..I'm coming" he hung up and pulled his hand through his hair and sighed at the long line of cars infront of him.

~15 minutes later~

He came through the doorway, his black clothes sitting tight on his thin body, making him look like somewhat of a stick. His ravenblack hair hung over his left side of his face and the black makeup around his ice blue eyes made his skin look paler than it normally was.
"Hey, hey..sorry I'm late" he said and reached out his hand and greeted their manager before he sat down beside Nick and recieved a pat on his shoulder.

"Alright, now when you're all finally gathered.." he looked at Thomas and then continued;
"You're doing good for only have been playing for some months. I get contacted by several bars who wants Passionate Violence to play there again and also from some new bars who are interested" He let his eyes wander over the bandmembers faces.
"I have also gotten a phonecall from The Fillmore Auditorium...they want you to play there by the end of the month"

The guys looked at eachothers and moved in their seats.

"The Fillmore Auditorium? It's..wow...huge!" Benji said and looked at the manager

"Well, get used to it. Your constant touring, even if it has only been for what, 6 months now, are making you gain more and more audiences and reputation. People seem to like your style and that's great, isn't it?"

Each of them were in their own thoughts. It was great with gaining popularity... Thomas had a slight frown on his face as he thought about it.
Gaining more popularity - getting more money
In fact, the band had become to be only about money now, but not for any manager or recordcompany, but for their own sakes. Eventhough had been playing the music that they wanted to play and not any mainstream-shit, the 'passion' hadn't been there for long it felt like. The rest of the bandmembers; Nick, Benji and Chad had other jobs on the side of Passionate Violence, it was needed since it was hard to just get money to go round at all. But Thomas never seemed to have that luck. He had trouble to 'adapt' to society...meaning he had 'social problems' as his relatives had said. 'Social Problems'... he got along great with his bandmembers, he wasn't afraid of performing infront of a crowd of people, he didn't see himself as having 'social problems' at all. His view of life was this: People were just assholes, wanting to place him into some box with a pretty label on. He never liked that. If people told him to do something, either he refused or did the opposite. He was probably difficult to deal with and his bandmembers had argued enough with him at times..
"No, Thom, that's a D-chord there"
"Shut the fuck up, I know that!"
"Woah, easy, man!"
"I'm just trying out something okey?"
"Well you could tell the rest of us before you try something out so we know what the hell you're up to then"
"Sshh, I'm focusing..."
".....no, there's deffinately a D there"
"Look, can you stop fucking bitching at me, I know how to fucking play!!"
"Alright, hey, sit down Thomas, it's alright! It's alright. Nick."
"Yeah, yeah, try out the D-chord.."
"...thanks..."
But he had a fire that burned inside of him; a strong will to make it against all odds. No matter the shit he had been through in his life up to this point, he never took anything for granted. He was sceptic about The Fillmore Auditorium aswell now... sure, they had gained audience in local bars, but would they be able to gain enough people to listen to them in an auditorium?

Everybody snapped out of their thoughts as their manager said;
"It is great. Tell me why you are doing this. This...touring around...this..playing at all"

There was a silence but before anyone of the guys could answer, the manager did;
"You're doing it for money. It's your job. Don't worry about expenses for bigger venues, I have faith in you. I have faith in Passionate Violence. Do you?"

They agreed, but something didn't feel right for Thomas. It was the part 'doing it for money'. Of course it was true, but at the same time...so boring...
I put my life into this band cause I had nothing else...how can I just treat it like it's a job, something I just do for money. How can not my soul be a part of it. I don't trade my soul for money, no way! But what is this then? Shit, we are doing great...but we've lost ourselves behind the name Passionate Violence. It's a facade..

"Hey, lighten up for fucks sake! This is a great opportunity! Not many new bands get a chance like this! You're hardly on the radio, not on the tv. This is what you do now! You tour and show yourselves! Don't tell me you never believed something greater would happen to you! You're becoming F-A-M-O-U-S, boys! The Fillmore Auditorium could be your break-through!" He grinned broadly

The bandmembers seemed to grasp this now and they did lighten up...everyone except for Thomas. He didn't say anything, still wondering about the future and meaning of the band now and as usual, he felt like he wasn't satisfied...

"Now, next week there is a photoshoot-call for you. I know you've only been in some small shit in papers, but this is a real photoshoot. The real deal. It will promote your Auditorium-show" he grinned

"As long as we don't need to wear weird fucking outfits"
the guys smirked

"Hell no! You just have to be yourselves"

"I'm not doing it" Thomas suddenly said and everybody turned and looked at him

"...doing what?"

"The show. The auditorium. I'm not doing it"

The bandmembers sighed and tried to talk senses to him, but the manager interupted them by standing up;

"Thomas, come here for awhile. Come.."

He sighed slightly but stood up and walked over to him. When he got there, they turned their backs towards the rest of the guys and the manager put his arm around Thomas shoulders and spoke in a low voice;

"What's the matter, Thomas? Why do you start acting like this now?"

"I'm not acting like this now. It just doesn't feel right"

"Oh, but it is right! This is perfect, it's a perfect opportunity, can't you see?"

He glanced towards the bandmembers and then looked back at the manager and kept his voice low;
"There's no fucking soul left behind the name, Ralf! There's no passion in the music anymore, how can we go out on a fucking stage like the auditoriums and convince people when we're fucking unsure ourselves! I don't know where the fuck this band is leading to now..." he paused.
"All I know...is that if we're gonna play there, first we need to get a fucking focus, a fucking goal...and new material...our old shit doesn't reflect us anymore. I'm on a fucking stage singing shit that doesn't even match with anything!"

He saw how Thomas eyes lit up by his own talk and he sighed.
"Alright..but you tell this to your band and not to me. You come to me after you've talked to them about this and tell me that you're all fixed up and will manage to play the Auditorium. One week, Thomas. On the photocall I want to see four kickass bandmembers who knows what the hell they're doing"

He nodded and turned and walked back to the table;
"Come on, guys. We gotta talk"

They frowned slightly but soon Thomas got what he wanted and the meeting with the manager was over. As they walked out of the building and to the parkinglot, Thomas explained it all to them, told them basically what he had told the manager.
"I know we're doing it for money, but fucking hell! It was more than that in the beginning! It just feels fucked up now! I want something new, don't you?" he looked at them

"woah..never heard you talk like this Thomas, what has happened?" he smirked slightly

"What has happened?? I don't know what the fuck has happened, maybe I want a deeper meaning to everything I do for once? Maybe I'm fed up with just living like a fucking shell, living behind some facade where everything feels fucking pointless!"

"Well then do something about it!"

"I am! I'm having this fucking conversation with you, don't I?"

"Well what is so fucking pointless then? What do you want instead??"

"I don't know what I fucking want! Something deeper! Something that means something! When I play guitarr, it fucking means something to me, but recently on our shows, it has been just some fucking daze! I want something that is our own and to put the parts I have left of myself into it!"

"...what you need..is to get laid"

He lashed out with his hand, slapping Nick on his arm.
"I'm fucking serious. I want to play in the auditorium, but not as we are now! It just doesn't work..it haven't been working for the past three months! We need something new, or what, am I the only one actually feeling like this?"

They stopped by their cars and looked at eachothers.

He sighed and eventually admitted, dropping his sarcasm.
"Alright...yeah...I get it...and you're fucking right...we're in some fucking...depression or something..."

There was an awkward silence until Thomas hit his fist on the top of the roof of his car.
"Then we have to fucking focus! I'm not gonna let this become another..----"
failure in my life!

"...another what?" Chad asked.

he sighed.
"Nothing..."

Benji shrugged
"Well....it would actually be a goal...I mean..to shape up for the auditorium"

"The photoshoot"

"What?"

"We have to have focus and shape for the photoshoot next week!"

They looked at eachothers and then they gathered together in a little circle and looked down as they placed their hands in the middle, ontop of eachothers. They used to do that before every show when they first started out...now it had been awhile ago...

"Focus.."
"We're a fucking rockband"
"But not any fucking rockband"
"Let's not give a shit about what people wants us to do. Let's just do our thing. That is Passionate Violence"
"That's fucking right"
"One week. Let's fucking shape up now"
They removed their hands and nodded at eachothers.

"...so..is it now we hug and stuff?" old Nick with his sarcasm was back

Thomas shoved him, playfully this time and smirked;
"Shut the fuck up!"
Their moods seemed to have lightened up more now. They all seemed to have a focus now. A goal. They got into their respective cars and they all drove away to their separate homes, but with the same thing in mind.

~Afternoon~

When Thomas had arrived in his tiny apartment in the middle of San Fransisco (but not in the fancy places), he grabbed some leftovers in the fridge, sighed and dropped himself down on the couch as soon as he entered the apartment.
"Fuck.." he mumbled and sat there thinking about the meeting and the band as he ate.
We need to become better. Much better. But not for anyone else...and I still need money to pay the fucking rent..
He suddenly got tired of thinking, nothing good usually came when he was alone with his thoughts. His scarred wrists were a proof of that.... he grabbed his acoustic guitarr, straightened up and started playing randomly, still chewing on the leftovers...
One week. Next week there'll be a better Passionate Violence. One with focus and the middlefingers to put up right between fuckers eyes
a slight smirk appeared in the side of his mouth as he had these encouraging thoughts. He hadn't have that for months and was relieved by the familiar feeling. Now the next step was to write some new material. Normally Benji wrote most of the songs, but the fact was that Thomas had been writing some stuff he hadn't showed the members yet. Why? He didn't know. But he was done with hiding himself longer. He could play guitarr damn good and he knew that if he added some more focus, he would be able to write a whole song and not just some random shit he had scribbled in notebooks.
A whole new song...just from my own head..my own fucked up head... I'm gonna do it...Just need inspiration..
His fingers were still strumming the strings on the guitarr softly.

[Devyn]

It was Wednesday... the clock had nearly rolled around to 5 o'clock and Alex had finished setting up things for the pictures.
She really did enjoy taking pictures, but usually she'd rather take them of someone she liked or knew... which in all honesty wasn't very many people she knew... and considerably less that she liked. But what she hated most was to be in front of the camera. She wasn't shy-- no, but she hated the facade of it all. It was so idiotic to pose and look good for a picture that men would eye and women would get jealous of.
Alex wasn't ugly by any means-- although sometimes she wished she was, then Luke would ever ask, or rather demand, she pose for models that didn't meet his standards or showed up late. She felt ridiculous standing in flowery dresses and cut tops with her hair nicely fluffed and dried and makeup all over her face.
Even now, she was quite the opposite. Not to say she didn't like to look good, but she could flatter a pair of tight fitting, low cut jeans and a button down-country style shirt that showed off her darker bra underneath. She knew how to dress, but she rather liked her own wild-style as compared to the pages of the magazine.
"C'mon, you fucking slow band..."
Alex muttered glancing up as the clock passes 5:04. She ran a hand through her messy brown hair, which truly was all over the place, but she didn't give a fuck. She spent the last hour cleaning up the dirty studio and getting men to bring in a set of stairs, among other props for the pictures. She didn't know a goddamn thing about this band, other than what the newspaper clipping had read-- which wasn't much.

[PirateOTC]

They had been standing outside of the studio for 10 minutes now actually.
"Oh come on, Thomas!" he sighed

"Give him a call, maybe he forgot.."

He picked up his cellphone and dialed a number as he said;
"Now that would be ironic, since he's the one being a bitch about this day for a week now"

"So what did you really think of his suggestion? The 'swap around'?"

"mmm..--" he waited for Thomas to pick up but saw a car come in great speed towards them. "Oh there he is. finally!" He hung up

Being on time was something that wasn't accosiated with Thomas.. he stood on the break and the tires screeched as he parked and jumped out of the car
"Sorry, guys!" he raised his hands

"Yeah, yeah, come on now, we're late"

He patted them on their shoulders and they all entered the little studio
"So I was writing this song and got stuck on the fucking bridge of it.."
he started to tell why he was late as they entered the studio

[Devyn]

Alex glanced over her shoulder as she heard voices coming from the studio door.
"Fucking finally."
She grumbled and got up from where she'd taken a seat, dusting off the back of her pants and going to greet the band-- her least favorite part.

[PirateOTC]

"Hey, Nick!" he reached out his hand and greeted the photographer, shaking her hand firmly

"Chad" he greeted her aswell and looked around in the studio

"Hi, Benjamin..or..Benji most of the time" he smirked slightly as he greeted her

He had his eyes on her the moment they stepped into the studio and still had eyecontact with her now as he introduced himself as 'Thomas' for her, but quickly looked away after shaking hands with her quickly. He wasn't the one who really liked introducing himself to new people like this..eventhough he knew he probably had to get used to it

[Devyn]

Alex shook each of their hands and then didn't bother to wipe her hand on her jeans where they could clearly see-- who knew where the fuck their dirty hands might have been, right?
"Alexandra."
She introduced herself as she motioned around at the set.
"But you can call me Alex, not that you'll have to cause this will be much easier if you all just keep your mouths shut and do what I want you to do, kay?"
She smiled a rude smile to go along with her words and pointed towards the stairs.
"Go get on those... which one of you is the singer?"

[PirateOTC]

Thomas smirked slightly at Alex demand and looked at Benji and they exchanged looks.

"well...right now it's me" he said and glanced at Thomas and then smiled at Alex

[Devyn]

Alex was well aware of the looks they were passing around, but she ignored it for now.
Please just don't even try to hit on me.
"Well, isn't that wonderful."
She said sarcastically to the over enthusiatic guy.
"Fine, you'll be in the front on the bottom step, the rest of you line up however the fuck you want to."
She turned and went to pick up her camera.

[PirateOTC]

They grinned and got on the set of stairs

"Hey don't touch my fucking leg!"

He smirked and removed his hand
"What? isn't it now we're gonna look like some gay boyband?" he smirked and teased Nick but sat down behind him

He chuckled. "No, your hair isn't as gay today as it use to" he teased Thomas

"Fuck you"

It was noticable that this was their first photoshoot...or they were always fooling around like this..most likely the first though