|
|
Post by Jacky on Mar 22, 2009 10:14:15 GMT
I ignore her bitter statement, knowing better than to linger on that notion. "Why didn't ye jest shoot t' kill her?" I ask. Because that shot that scraped Cassandra's back did have me wondering. Not that I'd prefered it (...or maybe I would.. I don't know). But it certainly would've solved a problem for Rae..
|
|
|
|
Post by Daz on Mar 22, 2009 11:31:26 GMT
As I sit on the side of my uncomfortable bed, I stare at the door, rather focused on the growing pinch of pain and the fact I'm so easily dismissed. As much as I refuse to believe I mean nothing to him, it doesn't help in the long run. Because as long as we're like this, I'll always be the one left by myself, without anywhere to go. Or anyone to help me. I can act confident enough, of course, but that doesn't mean I'm willing to go out into the world and find something else. I don't really... want anything else. Though at the same time I despise being here. I despise what he did to me, and who he really is. He's the one that should be alone. He's the one that deserves it.
And as for the lust, there's not much to deny there anymore. Conciously I can't recall any strain of want for him in my body. Which is good, because I might have to just kill myself. That undertone, though, in my subconcious, is something that I'm starting to fear a little. Because everything that comes from it, the envy, the lust, seems a lot more dangerous then I would ever want myself to be.
My eyes glance around the tiny space and I bite on my lip, turning back, trying to find the sore on my back.
|
|
|
|
Post by Nikki on Mar 22, 2009 14:04:35 GMT
"Because you care about her," I answer. "And I love you."
I've never thought with much of a pirate mind, unless the situation called for it. I've just enjoyed the freedom and the (well, until Cassandra came onboard) good company.
"And, well. .. admittedly, I've never been that great of a shot." Not like I was aiming to kill her in the first place- I wasn't even aiming to hit her, but he doesn't need to know that.
|
|
|
|
Post by Jacky on Mar 31, 2009 8:31:50 GMT
"I wouldn't 'ave cared if she dropped dead there and then." I claim. A gross lie, but one I need Rae to believe (and I need to believe it too, to remain half sane around Cassandra at times).
I turn my gaze to the horizon, narrowing my eyes slightly.
"You should be more selfish at times, luv." I shrug. At least, for her own sake.
But almost instantly I frown at a faint memory, as I vaguely recall telling Cassandra that, one time.
"...Or maybe not." I mumble vaguely, having absolutely no need for a second Cassandra aboard.
|
|
|
|
Post by Daz on Mar 31, 2009 9:35:09 GMT
It’s not long until I come to the conclusion that the sore on my back won’t be going away without any help. But due to the pure fact that I have no one aboard this bloody thing that would even be willing to help me, I suppose I’ll just have to get an infection and just live with it. I live with enough god damn pain that it wouldn’t matter at all. My leg still aches from the dagger all those months ago, and the bruises on my face still loom there in a lighter shade of purple. I’m pretty much battered as it is, goodness knows how many places he broke my nose in with that sin, but it doesn’t exactly function well either.
“Urgh”… what the bloody hell am I doing here, sulking, anyway? I should just… get on with things. I should just put my jacket on and go back up decks like nothing happened, right? Indeed. I wish everything was as easy to move on from as a wound to the skin.
I shouldn’t leave straight away though. That would be too obvious. I’ll stick around here for a while.
Sighing, I stand from the bed and slip on my coat to cover my back. And generally attempt to straighten myself out. Putting on some more eye dark makeup and perfume in my rusting mirror.
|
|
|
|
Post by Nikki on Apr 4, 2009 21:11:31 GMT
I think about why I am the way I am, so unselfish and loving, and unwilling to kill, and I realize I've been hiding something from Jack. But I've been hiding it from myself just as well, not wanting to remember it.
I had a lot of time on that island to forget.
"Do you remember everything I've told you about Tom, Jack?" I ask slowly, not wanting to tell him now, so full with child, but feeling as though I need to anyway. Just mentioning his name, I can feel the scars and bruises he'd inflicted what seemed like so long ago.
|
|
|
|
Post by Jacky on Apr 10, 2009 17:11:50 GMT
I glance aside to her, surprised that she'd bring any of her past up now. She rarely ever does. Or, never, actually comes closer to describing it. So, instantly, I wonder what's the deeper thought behind it now that she does.
"Aye," I study her face, closely. "What about it?"
|
|
|
|
Post by Nikki on Apr 12, 2009 23:54:16 GMT
"Well, you are aware that. . ."
It's so difficult to finish.
". . .the night I left, he beat me with a book. About piracy?"
He's seen the tiny scars from the book corners. He's seen every bit of me but what I am about to tell him.
"Tom was a fool." I run a hand through my hair, brushing it back from my face.
"He left his pistol on the table. Women are too stupid to be any threat, am I right?
When he was done, he turned his back to me."
Right now I wished it was possible to cross my arms, but they hang limply at my sides. "I killed him. He was the first man I killed and the last I will ever kill."
One only kills when they are so weak that it's the only option. When their emotions take control of them. When they feel threatened. There are so many more clever ways to win a battle.
|
|
|
|
Post by Jacky on Apr 18, 2009 7:49:10 GMT
"Ah." I sound. I keeping my eyes on her as I thoughfully consider it. I see where she's coming from. But nonetheless, I fail to understand it. As usual, with Rae, in fact. Her thoughts are often so complex, so far fetched in my perspective, that the times we disagree on matters are far more frequent than the times we agree. After all, I can easily simplify any dilemma by the question: what use is there for me? It's the egocentrism and selfishness that allowed me to get as far in life as I have. Rae, on the other hand, has her trauma's and her thoughful considerations of what others might think, feel, or wind up doing..
As I said, she's a complex being.
"Well, luv," I start, slipping an arm around her to offer her some comfort. "I don't see how tha's fair. The man spend quite some time making yer life hell. Ye kill him - which is only fair - but afterwards ye still allow him to haunt you. After all, his death determines your lack of confidence to shoot again, eh?" I shrug, "Do as you please, luv, but I fail to understand why ye'd allow him such a position. Savvy?"
|
|
|
|
Post by Nikki on Apr 18, 2009 14:59:37 GMT
"I could, but I won't. Because I realized. . .there are worse ways to punish someone than death."
He doesn't know this side of me. In fact, I wasn't aware it was still there, underneath all my placidity. I'd spent years burying it underneath my kindness and understanding, glad I had. . .after seeing what had happened to Cassandra.
"Shooting her would have been more merciful. To put the poor girl out of her misery. I feel that she deserves. . .worse. Her being alive is just a continuance to the hell she causes herself."
I hadn't thought that before now. I'd spent just as long trying to tolerate her as I'd spent trying not to become like her.
|
|
