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Post by Jacky on Apr 21, 2009 19:46:11 GMT
"Let's not make it a bigger deal than it is." I frown, "Tis naught we haven't done before."
I like to believe that things are that easy. But it is exactly that, the simple fact that our history exists, and that we used to be together which makes the situation so bloody difficult to handle. I'm trying to convince myself that if I deny it long enough, it'll stop being true though..
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Post by Daz on Apr 21, 2009 19:50:37 GMT
"No, and that's exactly the problem, ain't it." I admit it, for the two of us, "It may not be a big deal for you, Jack. You fuck everything that moves. At least this was one part of my life I had control over by now. And I don't even have that anymore. Ye love to stand around and bloody laugh down at me about it, but it ain't funny. You know, really, that it isn't. Because as long as there's this tension around, I'll never be able to leave this god damn ship."
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Post by Jacky on Apr 21, 2009 20:00:42 GMT
"I don't find it funny at all, Cassandra." I frown, as she makes that assumption. "For god's sake, dye think I'm so entertained by the fact that you lost control over yer actions that I can ignore the fact that this is making this whole thing bloody.." I make a vague handgesture, not managing to find the right word soon enough "..messy." I finish at last.
Although my response could be interpreted in different ways, what's really bothering me isn't so complicated. She was the past. Sleeping around with her was fun while it lasted, then we started hating each other, and that was that. But now, this sin is messing up the timeline. Causing us to look for each others company again, to lay together, breath together, move together almost every single night. A closed chapter is opened up again, like reading a book in reverse. It jest ain't the way it should be, and it's messing with me head.
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Post by Daz on Apr 21, 2009 20:06:33 GMT
"So why the heck are you asking me stupid questions?" I glare, angrily... "You know what the answer is! And for your information this is just a little add-on to every bloody other thing in my regretable life. You may have saved me once, but that will NEVER make up for the shit you put me through now."
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Post by Jacky on Apr 21, 2009 20:09:45 GMT
"I'm not bloody putting you through anything!" I state firmly, in my defence, "It's not like I asked for this sin either. I have as much control over the bloody matters as you, which is none. So don't ye go blamin' me for this one, Cassy."
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Post by Daz on Apr 21, 2009 20:16:14 GMT
I stand there awkwardly again, feeling my face turn a little more scarlet than my usual anger filled lighter shaded cheeks, "Then why don't ye let me be happy fer once. Outside of all this bloody Sin nonsense! Why don't you leave me the FUCK alone! Why do you INSIST on throwing that stupid little bitch infront of my face all the time!? W-why do ye always turn up, every time we part ways again? I'll never be happy as long as yer alive, Jack. I never will. I'll never find anyone else. I'll never be a mother to anyones children. I'll never have a ship, I'll never so much as be a first mate. Because everytime I get anywhere, you tear me away again. And I live with it. I've been living with that fact all these months, and now... now it's the worst it's ever been. And trust me, I so want to get away. I want you to be miserable with a screaming brat and that whore of a pig. But I.. just can't. It took me so long to get over it before... now there's fresh memories. And they are going to be bloody hard to get out of me mind. I was only here fer what was mine... and now there's something building up again. Even if we arn't in controll of it, it's there. And you know as well as me, this isn't jest going to disappear after the next edge of the map turns up."
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Post by Jacky on Apr 22, 2009 11:27:28 GMT
This isn't just going to disappear. Those words seem to echo off the walls of the galley after Cassandra stopped talking, and silence settled again. I frown and glance away somewhat uncomfortably, for once I'm not able to meet her eyes for a much-practiced glare.
Cos she's right. Bloody hell, how I hate to admit it. But in the past few days I've been experiencing it constanty. When the sin takes over, the sin is to blame. But what about those moments inbetween, when I find myself reminiscing what used to be..? There's only myself to blame for that. It's my mind, conciously, that focusses on what used to be. Could've been still, perhaps, had I not sacrificed her. If she wouldn't have had a reason to hate me, and vice versa.
Aye, I knowingly and willingly ruined her life. When she accuses me of tearing her apart, I'm guilty as charged. But it's not like never considered it a sacrifice. And those nights we used to spend together, before any of that happened, have started to haunt me.
I breath in slowly, and face her at last, straightening my back. "Of course," I mumble, "But what the hell dye expect me t' do about it? If I could, I would've left yer life bloody months ago. You insisted on stayin' on me ship though, ye could've known we'd wind up tearing up old wounds." I meet her eyes now, and frown slightly. "The only thing we can do about it is do what we're good at. We blame each other, to simplify things." I shrug.
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Post by Daz on Apr 22, 2009 13:24:10 GMT
"Who else is there to blame, Jack?" I mumble, speaking with a lot more emotion in my tone than usual, "If anyones making it more complicated here, it's on your part, not mine. I have nothin' and I'll always 'ave nothin'... Yer the one that's always had the baggage. The ship.. and now that woman and a child. You're the one making it worse than it is, because you bring so much other shit into the equation."
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Post by Jacky on Apr 22, 2009 17:49:42 GMT
"You were out of the damn equation before, though." I frown, "What we had was done, A bloody closed chapter. I can't help it if some sin decides to make things more complicated again. Tis not my fault."
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Post by Daz on Apr 22, 2009 17:56:28 GMT
"Oh really?" I raise an sceptical eyebrow, "I fail to believe I was ever out of your equations. Even if our chapter was closed. Some books leave marks on you, Jacky."
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