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Post by Jacky on Apr 22, 2009 18:15:10 GMT
I look at her silently for a while, a frown on my features. I find myself relunctantly thinking about Rae, and the scars she carries. Aye. Books do leave marks on you. But the marks Cassandra managed to leave on me are far beyond the literal sense. Which is making me doubt whether the chapter ever closed in the first place. We find ourselves a few pages back in the story, after all..
"It doesn't matter whether they did or not, though." I frown, meeting her gaze. "We have to play the cards we're dealt. Whether we like it or not."
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Post by Daz on Apr 22, 2009 18:23:31 GMT
"Aye. Though we always have choices. Don't we."
After all, it's his fault we ever did fall apart. He destroyed me. He betrayed me and damaged my world. And he didn't do it out of nature. Or fate. He had a complete choice of two extremes.
All I ever did to him, was in revenge. To call it even. To hurt him in return. And I didn't have a choice. Not if I wanted to live with myself. To stay sane.
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Post by Jacky on Apr 22, 2009 18:48:30 GMT
"Oh really? Then what choice do we have now? Enlighten me, because the way I see it this sin is going to mess things up further and there's nothing we can do about it." I frown, putting the rumbottle down, forgetting about my craving for mindnumbing alcohol for a while.
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Post by Daz on Apr 22, 2009 18:56:31 GMT
My bottle dangles between my fingers as I keep my eyes on him carefully, "It's not so much now, it's more concerning the aftermath. We have a choice once it's over. Don't we? We can choose wether it changes us or not. It ain't like we have no choice over... how we are. On the outside."
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Post by Jacky on Apr 22, 2009 20:52:39 GMT
"Aye, but we lack the choice over the inside." I point out. There's no use in turning around the subject, so I figure I might as well say it bluntly. "Sleepin' around like this, wakin' up t'gether.. it's messing with yer head, Cassy. And it's messin' with mine. We can't change that. Quite frankly, I don't think there was ever a choice in whether or not to acknowledge it either. There's jest no denyin' it."
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Post by Daz on Apr 22, 2009 21:00:18 GMT
I stare at him silently, with nothing to reply. The thought of it all makes me so tense I feel sick. I'm so fearful of our past that I avoid it at all costs. I cover it with my anger, with my insults, with all the hatred that make anything between up seem impossible.
And maybe it's because I'm embarassed of what I went through with him. Of how he made me feel and how much he hurt me. Or just simpley that I'm broken, as a person. And I don't know how else to gather all the peices. I'm such a mess.
I put down my half empty bottle and look at it there, thinking quietly.
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Post by Jacky on Apr 22, 2009 21:19:07 GMT
I keep my gaze on her now though, wondering what the hell she's thinking.. Also, wondering what the hell we're going to do about this. We can hardly just draw a conclusion like we did and walk away from it. Though by now, that seems like a pretty good idea.
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Post by Daz on Apr 22, 2009 21:22:57 GMT
I take a final deep breath, "I.. I'm gonna go up decks now. I guess I'll see you later. Or.. whenever you feel.. unusual." I raise an eyebrow, coughing a little, glancing over to the stairs and then back to him as I try to peel myself away from this scarily serious conversation... "Ye can have the rest o' my bottle if ye want. I won't be needin' it anymore." I mumble before slowly I head off.
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Post by Jacky on Apr 23, 2009 13:32:46 GMT
Even before she reaches the stairs, the constant frown on my face disappears somewhat, and I take a step forwards to take her bottle of rum. Waste not. Rum alone won't solve the problem at hand though. When I'm left alone in the galley, I start wondering what happens if you find yourself lost in an old chapter of a book... when you start reading in reverse. Of course, you can't go all the way back to the beginning, because you already know the end. But how about those lost chapters in between?
I glance to the stairs where Cassandra disappeared, and make a face, not at all please with these thoughts. I set the bottle of rum to my lips and take a deep swig, as if that could haunt away these.. shimmers of the past.
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Post by Daz on Apr 23, 2009 13:58:33 GMT
On the decks I make it out just in time for sunset and as the orange light falls down on everyone, I barely notice. My mind is still buzzing.
It has been an awfully long time since we spoke like that. Usually our banter is a mixture of sarcasm and insults. But this was far from that. This was verging on something rather in the depths of reality. Something quite human.
And its terrifying.
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