Beyond Boundaries

[Lana]

(me too!)

"No", - I press my finger to his lips, hushing him down. - "Don't be sorry I saw what I did, first of all, it wasn't you who showed me, and secondly..." - I pause for a while, just looking into his eyes, getting lost in this deep brown colour. He has so much 'past' in his life that it's almost unbelievable. I've been through much in my life as well, but it's nothing if I compare my life to Jack's. These dark eyes conceal so much in their depths, they hide very much and show only a little, but now they're warm and show a bit more than usually.

"... secondly, it does matter", - I contradict him softly. It does matter. For what I know, Jack is the person who never even takes his own blame, pretending he never did anything wrong and getting away with everything. But Ja-- Jonathan as a kid was different - and maybe that very day changed him. When he tried to save an innocent man and was hurt for his intention. Maybe after that he chose never to repeat this 'mistake' of his, the mistake that hurt a lot. And of course, I bet, it hurt - being beaten by his own father.

As I realize this, my eyes grow much warmer to Jack than ever. I... sometimes I do think he's cold and cruel. If not to me - than to others. Sometimes - to me, as well, and I have terrible memories of that: of telling him I was pregnant, of all that followed, of him leaving me... I shake these memories off. It doesn't matter. What does, is that Jack is not only cold and cruel, not only irresponsible for what he does and careless. He is like this because he wants to survive, not because that's the real him.

Only my speculations, of course, because I will never know who is he really, no one ever will. I sigh, still looking into his eyes and trying to see there whether I am right or wrong. Suddenly I want more than I have, I want to *know* him again, like it was back then, ages ago, when he told me stories of his past, when he shared painful memories. Now we kiss and sleep together, and fight side by side, but we never really talk anymore. I've been okay with it, it's been great just to be by his side. But this situation makes me want more than I have. It makes me want to be close to him not only physically, but mentally, as well.

I smile slightly, feeling even a bit guilty 'cause of these wishes and thoughts. I know it won't happen. These are just fantasies of mine now.

"I was surprised because you hadn't told me who she was", - I say simply.

[Jacky]

(Awww your post totally melted me down to my core ;D )

When she says it does matter, my first urge is to argue with her, to say nothing changed and she shouldn't let it effect anything. I want to argue in my defence - not knowing what she saw exactly but.. my past isn't always sugercoated, and if she'd seen anything bad I would want her to.. I'd want her to forget. She's the only one in the world who knows as much about me as she does and I doubt one more thing could add up to any good.

But as our eyes meet and she looks into my eyes I see something I didn't expect. Instead of a distance between us, she looks at me with affection as ever.. maybe more as ever. Her eyes aren't cold but radiate warmth. Instead of pulling away from me, she moves closer. Instead of.. anything, she smiles.
Why? I guess I'll never have to find out.. but all I know is that I'm grateful to her that moment, for digging so deep into my story and not turning away from me.

As she speaks again, I feel like it's only fair to answer now. "..Aye." My arms move around her more protectively, holding her in my embrace. "I don't want the crew t' know. They'll think I've lost my mind, too. And I didn't want you too know because.." I hesitate, "..because you'd be wondering why the hell I left her behind." I shrug.

[Lana]

(hehehe, *wipes the Ans-puddle* )

"I won't tell anyone", - I promise Jack, understanding why he doesn't want the crew to know - it would cause many inconvenient, unsettling questions; it would raise much unwanted interest towards Nadia. But, when he continues the phrase, I fall silent.

Why did he leave her behind? I believe it wasn't done on purpose. I believe it was a tragic coincidence - perhaps, he thought she'd already died. Perhaps, he lost her here. Anything could've happened in Hell's Water, and I believe he suffered when his life was saved, when he returned to the Caribbean, and his sister remained here. I remember Jack's eyes when he found the music-box.

He couldn't have left her behind on purpose, it was an accident. He wouldn't leave her to die here, right? He left me once - I remember...

I am standing on the shore, my feet in the warm water, my eyes fixed on the horizon. The sun is rising, and the air is still chilly, but I am standing at the seaside, wearing only one light dress - I didn't have many dresses back then.

I am watching a ship sail away. The ship. The ship that I used to call 'home'. The ship with the Jolly Roger I used to sail under, fight under, live under. My whole life was sailing away from me, leaving me alone, abandoned, in a small town somewhere, I didn't care where. I had a couple of dresses, all my weapons, pants and shirts, and I had money - much money, more than enough to rent some space to live and buy food. But I didn't want to live. I didn't want to eat. I wanted nothing.

The ship was sailing away, and Jack was at the helm. Back then, I thought my life would end that very moment. I thought I would take a stone, a rope, attach the stone to my neck and go 'swimming' for the last time in my life. I thought I had no life in front of me, only behind.

My life was sailing away, and Jack was at the helm.
He left me. And went to find his own life, his Black Pearl.

But it was different. He provided me with much money, made sure I would have something to live for, and he left me to live in a town, not to die in Hell. It was totally different. He couldn't have left Nadia here on purpose, and I am not going to believe anything else. I just know he couldn't.

But this memory, of the sailing away ship, makes me shift closer to Jack, feel his warm body pressed against mine. I want to feel him here - and he is. He's not sailing away, he's sailing with me. That nightmare of mine is over.

I snap out of my memory, break the heavy silence: "I'm not wondering. I know you had to and I am not questioning it. I know you didn't want it", - I assure Jack, looking into his eyes again - mine own warm and a bit sad because of what I remembered.

"Trust me..." - I say very quietly. - "I won't be afraid of you if I know you better. I am afraid of you when I know nothing".

[Jacky]

(awww lovely lovely post)

As she falls silent and presses closer to me I can only make guesses at what she's thinking. I figure she's considering what I said. Wondering why I left Nadia behind. If that's what she's doing, I don't feel the urge to explain yet. I want to know how far she's willing to go to put trust in me.
Then, when she says she knows I didn't want it, a slight bitter smile tugs at the corners of my mouth. Right she is.. and I'm glad she didn't have to ask me before she made her judgement. Her eyes are sad but reassuring in a way, and I brush a kiss on her forehead.

Trust me, she says. I won't be afraid of you if I know you better.

I still doubt it, despite everything. I did plenty of things in my life that I shouldn't be proud of but..
But somethin broke. Something between the two of us, which was broken before but rebuilt after ten years. That glimpse into my past that Nadia granted her suddenly makes it 'alright' for her to know me again. It makes it alright for her to think she can figure me out, if only just slightly. Maybe, more often than not, it makes it alright for us to talk again. To trust eachother even with what we can share other than just a bed.

Truth to be told, it scares the bejeesus out of me. But I don't show it.. cos I figure it'll be good to get used to it again. Aye.. I put faith in *her* too.

I pull her closer still and kiss her forehead, not letting her out of my embrace. "Yknow wha'..?" I ask her with a smirk.

[Lana]

(that's because I'm in a lovely-lovely mood and yours is very-very sweet, too! )

I close my eyes and smile to myself when Jack's lips touch my skin. I suddenly feel calm and peaceful, because I had a glimpse into Jack's past and he's not trying to run away from me because of that. I got to know something about him, something he preferred to be silent about, and still he's not trying to pretend nothing happened. It assures me that, perhaps, we will be closer to each other again, closer than just sleeping together. Like we were years ago.

"Not yet?" - I smirk slightly, glancing up at him. - "Tell me".

[Jacky]

I look into her eyes and reply her smirk with one of my own. "Hell's Water really ain't that bad." I decide.

It must sound like I absolutely lost my mind this instant, but all things considered.. What did we lose here? A few crewmembers, certainly. But if I consider the things I gained.. bloody hell! The crewmembers who are left behind are working together better than ever. Without doubt this is the best damn crew I could've imagined. Secondly, I found Nadia, and though she's not entirely alright, she can get out of this hell at last. Moreover, I have Scarlett back. I learnt to put some trust in her that day of the mutiny, when we kissed the moment she should've killed me. And now this, her digging into my past and not turning her back to me. All things considered, I have little to complain about, don't I?

[Lana]

I laugh softly: "Yeah, I know", - I agree to his insane-sounding phrase.

I guess, everything turns inside out in this place, and from its feet to the head, because I never expected myself to say that Hell's Water isn't that bad, in fact. We faced terrifying storms? Yes, but we survived them and acquired priceless experience in handling the ship in such conditions. After these storms, storms in the Caribbean will be a piece of cake for us, I bet. We faced our worst fears and zombies coming from the dead? But we scared them back to the depths by saying we knew they didn't exist. We lost a few crewmembers, but those who are left work much better than ever. There was a mutiny? But now there are no mutinous pirates aboard, there are only those who can be fully trusted; and Jack trusted me that night, kissing me the very moment I was supposed to stab him in the back. We found Jack's sister who's not really sane, but not fully mad either. We almost died in the horrible nightmares, but we're here, we're alive, and we know that we can survive when we really want to survive.

And the most important thing for me is that... I found Jack. Again. We fight side by side, we are going through these horrors together, and we're becoming closer, ruining the long-built solid wall separating us. Finding him again is worth everything I've gone through here.

And... a few weeks in Hell's Water have more events than years of my life ashore. Now I am alive, I am living, while back there, in the town, I simply existed, with no aims, no hopes - nothing. I thought I would spend day by day, alone and bored out of my wits, having nothing to expect, nothing to live for.

"You know what?" - I grin at Jack slightly, deciding that it's my turn to tell him something.

[Jacky]

(Gtg for dinner for a while, but I'll be back later if you're in the mood to rp moooore still haha, it's been amazing Lana! *kissy*!)

I grin when her reply isn't 'have you lost your mind', but she actually agreed with me. We both found some of the things we were looking for here in Hell's Water - and we didn't even reach our real aim yet, the treasure. I'm glad she can look at it the same way. It certainly heightens the spirits, don't it?

In reply to her question I smirk, "Not yet? Tell me." I copy her.

[Lana]

(ok! and if I am not here - just ring me, I'll come it's awesome, I am so in love with this RP! *huggles*)

I chuckle: "You copy me", - I accuse Jack teasingly and hesitate for a while, wondering whether I should tell him what I had an impulse to say. But, having said "a", I should say "b", so I guess I won't lose anything.

"You know... I remember the day when I arranged our meeting", - I smirk slightly, quite enjoying these memories now. - "The Governor was talking about the missing Navy-vessels to his men, and they were discussing the fastest ships in their fleet, there was one, called 'Victor', and one officer started claiming it was the fastest ship in the Caribbean, and I just couldn't sit there and listen to that bullshit. I spoke up, saying it wasn't. Just imagine their eyes, when a woman messed into their navy-business, they looked scandalized. I contradicted, argued telling them the Black Pearl was the fastest ship in the ocean, not their stupid vessel. And slowly, carefully, I talked everyone into cooperating with you", - I chuckle, remembering how shocked everyone was when I started talking about Captain Sparrow.

"The machine started working, they sent to find you, to make a deal, and I was waiting. The day I saw the Pearl in the port, through my window, I refused to believe my eyes, I thought I was imagining things. But she was real, and you really came to that town", - I smirk, remembering how terribly nervous I was, but deciding not to mention it.

"And I remember how you first saw me, when I entered the Governor's cabinet. Managed to surprise you, didn't I?" - I wink at Jack daringly. - "I was the one you least expected to see there, wasn't I?"

"But do you know why I started all this? Do you know why I risked interfering into the navy-business? Talking them into cooperating with Captain Jack Sparrow? Risked seeing you again and sailing with you?"

I pause, looking at Jack and smirking.

"Jack, I was bored half to death. If I lived one more month in that rotten town, I would die of boredom. You don't imagine what it is, you have no idea how boring, useless and senseless living ashore is".

"I risked everything because I was bored. I missed this life", - I confess with a small, but very sincere smile. I don't say I missed him, because I don't even dare admit it to myself. I don't say I missed his kisses and his embrace.

"I missed the Jolly Roger. The ocean, the storms, the fights, the sails and the deck under my feet".

"That's why I created all that 'deal' between you and Navy. I missed this life. I missed *my* life".

[Jacky]

Her words make me realize one thing. If any woman would have the spirit to be cut out to be a pirate, it'd be this one. Hell, there are other female pirates but one could count them on five fingers or less. And half of them are probably forced into piracy rather than anything else. You could say the same thing for Scarlett. I kidnapped her to secure my freedom from her husbands plantation, she had no choice. But the fact that she worked to get *back* to this life outweighs that argument by far.
No wonder I like 'r.

"Well, luv. I'm glad you did. Cos no matter how useless those Navy blokes turned out to be, this has been quite the adventure. So far." I smirk.