High Tide

[Nikki]

There is a tide in the affairs of men, which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune. . .
I pause in reading, fingering the golden letters of the title: Shakespeare.
Definitely my favorite book, but it had become even more significant when Jack and I had spent evenings reading it together. He was my perfect equal in literary interests. . . one of his few traits, of late, that still made me smile.
I think about the quote I've just read. . .tides and fortune.
We've taken everything. Every opportunity available. And it's left us fighting a battle with ourselves and our past.
So what happens when you take advantage of the tide coming in, but it leads to no fortune at all?

I feel as if I shouldn't even be sitting on Jack's bed, enormous and embarrassing and. . .used up. That's how I feel.
As if I'm a tide that's come and gone, and the new one has washed in Cassandra.

[Daz]

A few hours later, the night is somewhat darker, and the lamps are lit on decks as the men sit down to play cards. And being anti-social as ever, I retreat to my room, hoping for a peaceful evening. It's been a while longer than usual, though I don't entirely trust for the sin to end like this. The other two had a quite remarkable climax.
And I can't say I'm looking forward to that point, even if it means that there's an end in sight.
I sit on the side of my bed, not even tired. But I have nowhere else to go.

[Jacky]

When darkness falls, and the crewmembers retreat to their quarters one after the other, I find myself lingering updecks. Laying on my back on the bow spirit, I watch the stars pass by while the ocean whispers her familiar lullaby to me. With the recent happenings in mind, I’m unusually reluctant to head for me own cabin. I’m aware of Rae’s presence there, and with my thoughts messed up as they are, I feel like my very presence would be like a betrayal. Not that I cared much about betraying before, mind you. But now that my very own thoughts seem to be betraying myself, it seems wisest to deal with myself first, and her after.

Besides… a night away from either woman doesn’t seem like a bad idea. But I know that even if I manage to avoid both Cassy and Rae, I only find myself in the eye of the hurricane. Soon enough the weather will change, throwing me back in the tempest that this sin managed to create.

Aye. A Tempest indeed. Not unlike the Shakespearean play of the same name, of course. This story, too, begins with a betrayal, hidden secrets and revenge. The only question is how it´s going to end. I close my eyes and think about it, half-comparing the characters in the play to the actors of our own. Who is going to survive this? Who’s going to be the winner in the end? Or are we all set up to fall, by messing with powers far beyond the natural?

After all, it’s obvious that these sins go deeper than any one of us expected. The things they cause directly are bad enough. The near-deaths have been numerous. But who would’ve thought about that secondary effect? The rearranging of relationships thanks to this current Sin? I wonder, considering the hatred between me and Cassandra, could this Lust eventually lead to us killing each other after all? Because it is bringing us to an extreme, and the other end of said extreme doesn’t seem like an option.
And then there’s Rae. Lately I’ve paid little attention to her, very little, figuring that was the smart thing to do until this Sin dissolved. But she’s bursting with that child inside of her (my child), and considering the conditions it’s impossible to say whether she’ll even live through this. Maybe it won’t be the Sin that kills us, eventually. Maybe it will only be the Tempest it’s creating.

But then, what about Antonio’s words?
What’s past is prologue, what’s to come, in yours and my discharge.

What's happened so far is merely the prologue of our story. The script is therefore in our hands. Why should I believe in things as fate and a pre-determined future now, when I never did before?

The question is though, if I was to determine me own future, what the hell would I want it to become? Tonight, I determine that the real consequence of the Sins is just that. We find ourselves unable to decide what we really still want to fight for. And a man who doesn’t know that, is a lost man indeed.

[Daz]

Quite like Jack, I'm laying down, on my rather uncomfortable bed, with thoughts running around my mind.
My view isn't as blissfull though. The creaking, dark wood of the ceiling has come to haunt me over the years. It's the view I always wake up to when I've spent the night alone. This room is a symbol of the down turn in my life, that happened a few too many years ago.
Over 5 years now, infact. It's funny how fast time seems to go when you look back on it.
Those 5 years in the depths of... something so surreal, were like an eternity.
That place still gives me nightmares.
And of course, noone would ever know the panic I go through most evenings, when I'm laying here by myself, dark thoughts drowning me. And the visions of that place threatening to take me back. I couldn't ever go back.
Though of course I will, one day. And that's terrifying. Having that glimpse of Hell made life seem so... fearful. I live each day in the dread that I'll be there sooner rather than later.
I'm always scared.
That's why I need to deffend myself so eagerly.
Though I know he knows it too.. he's always known more than me. He's expected it.
I never wanted to know.
And now, things seem to be going back into a full circle. I can't let that happen. I can't be in his cards again, I can't be attached. It's far too dangerous. He brings death with him, and hate, and a whole load of emotions that destroy a person. Even love. He's like the devil, if there ever was one.
I close my eyes, trying not to think about it anymore. My breathing grows deeper and I struggle to change the subject in my head. Mainly because I never have anything better to think about. I have no future, really. When I think about *that* it scared me even more.
Because as much as I hate Jack...
What on earth would I be doing without him?

[Nikki]

It's humid and cramped in Jack's cabin, and, with my eyes weary from reading, I decide to get some fresh night air.
Out on deck, the dark presses in, a thousand stars making it difficult to tell sea from sky.
I am alone on this wide, wide ocean, alone with the whisper-kick of a child I love inside me. And for once, that's alright. I have a part of Jack with me always.
She makes it seem like he isn't hiding from us all.

[Jacky]

I hear her come updecks a while before I bother to open my eyes to see her. Somehow I had expected her. Cassy lives in that cabin of hers as if it's a prison she gave in to, the crew is asleep, so who else could it have been?
I sit up on the bowspirit to glance in her direction, pin pointing her location. Rae, indeed.
Huge, with child, and looking like a lost soul these days. She'd never seemed this lost before, but then again, I'd never ignored her this much before. Maybe that's one thing I can change. At least for a night.
"Come to join me, luv?" I call over to her, betraying my own location willingly. So much for hiding.

[Nikki]

He doesn't startle me by speaking suddenly. It's as if he'd been talking all along, at the thought of him.
I squint toward the direction of his voice in the dark. Even though lamps are lit, there are areas of shadow.
"Join you?" I smile, approaching with the creak of boards beneath my feet. "It seems I can hardly get away from you."
Maybe it's not the best time to bring up how close I am to the birth. He'd been relaxing, after all. Escaping.

[Jacky]

"Might as well stop trying then." I respond. Of course it could either mean that she should - or that I'll try to escape from her presence a little less frequently. I don't bother to explain which one of the two I meant with my statement.
I get up and step down onto the deck, to her level. "Why aren't you sleeping?" I inquire, since it's the middle of the night.

[Nikki]

I shrug. "Couldn't. You know how it goes. I was reading."
I really haven't changed a bit. All I've done since he's known me is read, and even before then.
It's good to escape.

[Jacky]

(sorry I haven't posted in ages!)

"Hm," I sound, as I recall my musings about The Tempest before. Some things don't change. I look out to sea, as I wonder what will. What will be left of us after these sins have passed, all seven of 'em? Will it be worth it?
To bring my thought to a less doomful track, I bring my gaze back to Rae and settle my eyes on her. "What were ye readin'?"