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Post by Nikki on Jun 11, 2009 20:29:20 GMT
[It's alright! *hugs* glad you posted.]
I lower my eyes to the floor, certain that he remembers, too. And it will bring him as much pain as it's bringing me now. "Shakespeare."
Will it ever be the same way again? I can't hope that, because me being happy now would include the child laying between us as we read those stories together. He wouldn't have that. I'm almost certain he wouldn't.
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Post by Jacky on Jun 12, 2009 11:42:06 GMT
I keep my eyes on her for a long time, but she keeps her gaze fixed on the floor as if the answer to every question is written on the deck. I really didn't need to ask. It's always Shakespeare, after all. That's one of the few things that Rae and Cassandra will always have in common: their lack of diversity in their reading.
As Rae keeps avoiding eyecontact, I decide not to let her. I take her hand, leading her to the railing with me, demanding her full attention. "Which one?"
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Post by Nikki on Jun 13, 2009 1:21:39 GMT
He's handling me as if his touch could break me. And anymore. . .it very well could.
"Julius Caesar," I answer softly. I can hear the waves breaking against the side of the ship, rocking everyone to sleep.
I lock eyes with him and a sting of pain travels through my whole body. The child seems to hold her breath, waiting. She is not kicking as per usual, even though she is normally the feisty type. I feel like I already know her even though I haven't yet seen her.
"I miss you," I tell Jack, with a gaze both soft and sad.
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Post by Jacky on Jun 13, 2009 15:00:52 GMT
"I'm right here." I point out, as if I don't know what she's talking about. Truth is, I've drifted even further from Rae since the last sin reared its head. How right can it be to stay close with Rae, when I practically spend every night in Cassandra's cabin. Or where-ever else we rendez-vous, for that matter.
So no. I'm right here, right now. But not usually. And I'm very aware of that fact, myself.
I just don't like acknowledging it.
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Post by Nikki on Jun 13, 2009 23:46:09 GMT
My jaw sets in a stressful line at this comment. I don't have to be psychic to know he's lying.
"I've seen you as a god in my eyes since I was nearly eighteen. Not bound by rule or judgment. Smart, sly, handsome and strong." It's hard to keep eye contact. I rarely tell him what I'm feeling anymore. "Then I got to know you, and your imperfections. And I still thought no less of you for it. Pirate. I accepted that. But now I'm seeing something I hate in you."
And I hate seeing it.
"You can be the biggest coward I have ever lain eyes on. Simply for the fact that you never face the truth."
Not that it changes anything. I will never, ever stop loving him, as long as I live. Cassandra scoffs at this. She thinks that I don't know him, when upon occasion, I have seen into his head.
I know what I have gotten myself into. I just can't find it within me to hate him for who he is. He's Jack, and Jack is Jack, and he is that same Jack who saved me from myself.
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Post by Jacky on Jun 15, 2009 12:37:29 GMT
"You won't be off much better if I faced the truth." I tell her, keeping my gaze set directly on her. Because the truth is that Cassandra's been messing with my head. The truth is anything but in Rae's favor. That's a solid fact, one I've been trying to avoid, but a fact nonetheless.
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Post by Nikki on Jun 15, 2009 17:26:06 GMT
"The truth is this, Jack. Not some sin that makes you weak and foolish. The truth is here, and you need to wake up." I would give it another week or so before the child is due. It will hit him now or it will hit him then.
Cassandra is the worst he could do. Worse than any whore. Worse than me. She seems to symbolize the most horrible parts of people.
And I've always loved Jack because, more than he knew, that side did not rule him when it was most important.
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Post by Jacky on Jun 20, 2009 19:58:11 GMT
This was not the conversation I was hoping for. Brushing it off, I shrug my shoulders and turn my attention to the sea, instead. At least she never gives me any trouble. "I'll let you know how that turns out." I tell Rae, a little too easily.
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Post by Nikki on Jun 21, 2009 0:46:17 GMT
I sigh, leaning my elbows on the rail.
I'm the only one it's impossible for him to lie to, whether he fancies that or not.
"The sea, she's just like any other women. At times she is calm and playful, others she tosses you about in a fury. And for what reason? No one knows."
The sea's just not having your kid, I think.
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Post by Jacky on Jun 27, 2009 9:14:17 GMT
"There's one thing that makes all the difference between women and the ocean, luv." I say, keeping my gaze set on the dark horizon in the distance. "There's only one of her. Saves a man a whole lot of trouble."
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