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Post by Nikki on Jun 27, 2009 23:11:44 GMT
"It never used to be so. . .complicated. Before."
Before Cassandra came on board again, that is. The sea was my only competition, then, and I had no wish to compete with her. I had in fact formed an awed kind of respect for her.
Competing with Cassandra is like competing with the devil.
The weak are sure to lose.
"Do you even remember what it used to be like?" I ask him. It hurts to think about it. All that absence of pain. Because now our lives are rife with it.
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Post by Jacky on Jul 1, 2009 9:34:39 GMT
"Course I do, luv. But then's not now, and we're to play with the cards we were dealt." I tell her, turning back to meet her gaze.
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Post by Nikki on Jul 1, 2009 22:19:07 GMT
"Meaning we're to go sleep with Cassandra every night because Rae is so huge that you could harpoon her?" I can't look at him anymore; it's said. At times I wonder if it's only the sin making him do the things he's doing. Instead I look down into the dark water, wishing for a moment that it would swallow me up.
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Post by Jacky on Jul 2, 2009 7:53:11 GMT
I stick to the only excuse I have though. No matter how my thoughts betray her, so far it's that sin that's driven me down to Cassandra's cabin every night. And betraying thoughts, they don't matter. At least I try not to let them matter.
"Luv, it's not like I have much of a choice in the matter." I look at her, a slight frown on my features. "It'll pass, you know that. Like the others did."
But will it? After it passed, will things even change?
What’s past is prologue, what’s to come, in yours and my discharge.
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Post by Nikki on Jul 2, 2009 14:14:07 GMT
"Will it?" I look back up at him. "Answer me this, Jack. Upon occasion of every other sin, we have done everything in our power to stop it. This one- you're just letting it pass. Thinking maybe that it's no immediate danger to anyone aboard. But it's killing me. Every time I hear you get up in the middle of the night, I know where you're going."
So what would happen if I tied them both to separate beds? Anger flares up in me and I wonder why. Other times I'd have bowed my head in Jack's presence and let it slide.
Something is very wrong.
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Post by Jacky on Jul 5, 2009 7:31:16 GMT
"Luv, be rational here. Yknow it's not like I do it willingly and knowingly. I'd stay with you if I thought about it."
And hell knows I have thought about it. Because I know for a fact I'm not telling her the full truth. What Cassandra can offer me at the moment is something that Rae can't. Something that could usually lure me to the wrong cabin any day. But not now. Because every morning when I sneak back to me own quarters, I fear what I will find there. What would I walk in on if I wasn't there when it happened?
"Luv," I look at Rae, into her eyes, so she knows I'm not lying, "I have reason to stay with you if I could. Especially now." My gaze darts to her huge pregnant belly, and back to her eyes. "Trust me."
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Post by Nikki on Jul 5, 2009 16:26:21 GMT
His comment softens my manner considerably. When it comes to him and concern for me and the child especially. . .it's rare and valued.
"I love you, Jack. Still more than anything."
A shock goes through me as I realize that's no longer the truth. That truth has long passed.
What I love now more than anything is kicking around inside me. And I would put her before Jack anyday.
But it doesn't change the fact that I couldn't bear to leave him.
I've paused, thinking this out. And he knows I have lied to him.
"Almost more than anything," I whisper, my eyes chasing the horizon in the dark. And I know he'll understand. She- this child, is to me as the sea is to Jack. There is no love to surpass this one.
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Post by Jacky on Jul 5, 2009 16:54:44 GMT
I can't help but smirk when she elaborates her answer. "Only fair, luv." I tell her, making sure she knows I wouldn't hold it against her. That child seems her more than mine. I know she loves it already, without ever seeing it. Me, I find that pretty hard to believe. Though I am warming up to the idea, very very slowly. Mostly because I don't want Rae to die, or leave, and this little thing is a consequence that comes with that. Could I live with it? We'll find out, sooner or later.
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Post by Nikki on Jul 12, 2009 23:50:39 GMT
"It's not like she's not someone you don't already know," I say. "You know me well, and I know you. . .and she's some of both. Whatever we are together, that's what she will be."
That's a likely fact, that she will be familiar in most ways. And that she might help Jack to know himself better, as well.
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Post by Jacky on Jul 16, 2009 13:15:36 GMT
"Aye. But neither one of us screams bloody murder in the middle of the night or pisses their trousers." I point out with a slight smirk. "I don't think I play well with children, luv. Tha's all." I shrug.
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